Make Up Your Mind


True Story.  For two weeks now I have wanted to write about indecision but couldn’t decide how to write it.  At times I can be paralysed by indecision. Ok most of the time.  Decide: to make a choice from a numer of options.  Ya I Googled it.  There in lies the problem.  Options. The blue shirt or the green shirt?  The backpack that has all the features I want except one or the one that has none of the features i want but is the right size and on sale?  By the way 75% off sales are great for us indecisive people because then we can buy both options.  Then of course I will have two backpacks and have to convince myself one is for work and one is for play.  That never goes well and is ultimately wastful and a bit greedy. This is not to be confused with the I Need It Now So Will Take The Lesser Version Rather Than Wait On Backorder Till The One I Really Want Comes In Syndrome.    That road is paved in regret.  

My biggest problem is once I make up my mind I inevidably hear “Why did you choose that one?” Usually that comes right after “Hurry up and make up your mind.”  I probably should be writing about why I care so much about what other people think.  Next time and yes money has been spent on Therapy.  

There are of course a billion people willing to give their advice to help you make a decision. One or two of them are sure to tell you what you want to hear.  This is usually not a close friend or loved one by the way.  They will always tell you some form of the truth and that will just mess you up. Better to ask the new guy at work, or the stranger in the coffee line at Dunkins.  These people really get you. 

Of course research helps one decide.  Which brings me to the COMMENT SECTION or 1,897,096 people have rated this product!!  I’ll find a product on Amazon.  It is exactly what I want, or think I want, and I browse through the four and five star reviews till I get to that one star.  What does Hurumph74 know that the rest of them don’t?  Is he the only one willing to tell the truth that the other 156 reviewers were too blind to see? 

Case in point, I am typing on a wireless keyboard I just bought.  It was cheap.  I thought it was a good option at $13. Am I right? One reviewer gave it a 1/2 star, “Beware this product just does not work.” One reviewer came back with “It is so easy to set up my five year old did it in two minutes.”  BURN!!  Another wrote “Did you puy the batteries in?”  I  mean it is wireless not magic.  If I were to review it I would say the space bar sticks a bit.  I would also say it was $13 so you know….

Maybe this post is really about standing by your convictions.  I guess my point is that you may not make the best decision or even the right decision but in the end the decision is yours.  That really is all that matters if you ask me.  I think.

You know I am hovering over the Publish Button trying to decide if I should even post this.   

Oh Look Balloons!

  Officially  55!  

So I got this in the mail. I have received many of these over the years.  I suppose now that I have reached the recommended expiration date for membership I might possibly join. I did work the info booth one year when their convention was in Boston.  I remember hundreds of thousands of people and Hillary Clinton was the keynote speaker.  If anything it has a powerful voice and a huge voting block.  But I bet there are as many varied voices and opinions as there are choices for orthopedic shoes. I do remember we ran out of Scooter rentals pretty fast during that convention.  Don’t know if that’s relevant. Anyway they are a HUGE organization.

I know, I know, there are probably many useful benefits to membership, besides the free donut at Dunkins. It’s like signing up for reward points on a credit card.  It seems practical but I can’t help thinking I’m being conned into something I don’t need. We live in a very distrusting world. I had a friend who worked at a donation call center. Calling people all day to get them donate to …..fill in the charity. We all get them, tell the truth you are more apt to say “How did you get this number, it is MY CELL?” and hang up. Sure Kevin here’s my credit card number. I don’t think my ego could handle that all day.  It wasn’t till later a coworker told me she payed for a family vacation with Marriott Rewards Points!  She would buy groceries and gas with her card the pay it off when she got home.  I am NOT that organized.  Point is some offers are legit. There are some things worth joining, being a part of. 

Distrust comes with age I guess. Which is why AARP starts sending these out in our 40’s.  Right around the time we start thinking of buying all wheel drive and orthotics.  Or possibly consider voting Republican, nothing major maybe the local state level!  No never ever that, Never, that is how they get you!!!!

I also realized I had started a blog about turning 50.  When I deleted my old page for this one there was one post.  So I’m Turning 50 more to come!   Then nothing.  I can tell you that the last 5 years have been incredible.  I celebrated 20 years Sober. I took my first  9-5 job in almost that long.  I Realized stability actually allowed me to venture back into theater. I did Shakespeare for the first time and may do it again damn it. I have been nominated for a supporting actor role and been in award winning plays. I finally got Digital Headshots (check em out on this site) and have actually gotten roles because of my age demographic.  I was always told I would grow into my look. I was insulted at the time but now I get it I get it.  I also threw myself into fitness wanting to look the best ever in my 50’s.  A ripped calf muscle took care of that!  

Side Note:  The fitness concept of  If it hurts Stop is lost on most addicts.  Be warned fitness instructors and addicts alike!  I still work out tho, but that was a darn good excuse not to ever again. 

I do feel wiser. If I could go back and give my younger me advice it would probably be a punch in the face while yelling “Do you have any idea what you are about to put me through?”   I am touched when the younger actors I have had the pleasure of working with tell me they love when I talk about history. I am telling them  stories about the 80’s!!!  THE 80’s!!!!!  Gather around, back when we entered the town by horse and cart we would immediately look for the Church, for we would only be allowed to perform on the steps of the Church you see……THE 19….80’s…. Sure last century but still. 

I guess you don’t know you are wiser about anything until you are asked. Then you can say ” Well let me tell you how that worked out for me, it might be different for you.” Or  “Something’s will never go up in value but Beannie Babies were cute gifts I guess.” It all comes down to sharing your Experience, Strength and Hope. If you are lucky enough you get a lot more of each as you get older.

A Flash of ColorĀ 


Everyday on my walk to the subway I take a snapshot of a flower. It could be from my garden or that of a neighbor or a flowering weed by the wall of the Auto Body Shop on the corner. Sometimes there are other photo inspirations, trees, clouds, street lamps, but mostly I stick with flowers.  I then fiddle with different filters and whatnot during my ride into work. They end up as a Good Morning Facebook post.  This has become sort of a hobby of mine and can be addictive.  I have missed the train a few times as an image stops me in my tracks and I try to capture the best shot. I have also started posting to Instagram and #floweroftheday was all it took to see I am not alone in this addiction. 

Recently I was on vacation in Provincetown MA.  I was biking down Commercial Street in the East End when a reddish orange flash of color almost made me brake hard enough that I would have been sent flying over the handlebars. I quick glance to my right and I see a little dinghy or skiff bobbing in the water just off shore. Radiant in the setting sun.  Now I’m on vacation and probably unconsciously trying to fight my photo addiction who knows.  Plus, and more importantly, we had tix to a Drag Talent Show and you really want to sit up front for these things. Trust me.  So I make a mental note of the place and bike on. 

Now there are tons of galleries in Ptown. It is always fun to look and sometimes you come across a find within your budget. I began to see this little red dinghy in different variations all over town.  I was taken by the fact that so many artists were inspired to create their version of this little reddish orange boat. Were they, like me, momentarily struck by a flash of inspiration out of the corner of their eye? Did they see it from a restaurant window, a walk on the beach at sunset or possibly maybe a friends apartment?  A Lucky friend who actually lives on the beach in Ptown.


Possibly the little red boat as seen from the top of The Pilgrim Monument


I did not take any shots of the paintings and pics I saw in galleries but a Google search came up with this.


Grey Water by Gilles Thibault

This is one I bought. It is a transfer to a tile. I collect tile art for some reason. 

TJ Walton


The above came a few different versions. One of course in reddish orange. My bathroom is black, white and purple. Tiles are great art work for bathrooms and this is perfect!  I appear to watch Way too much HGTV. Cause that fun fact came tumbling out like an expert opinion. Don’t be afraid to go for bold throw pillows for that pop of color. Yes dark colors can make a room actually feel bigger, till about a year from now when I will tell you the exact opposite. (Cut to Benjamin Moore commercial.)

It all got me thinking that from a walk to work to sightseeing on a vacation there are many instances when inspiration urges us to create. Or at least capture the moment. Certainly there are subjects that inspire masses of people. They majestically stand there and seem to say go ahead snap or paint your picture just like the millions before you. The Grand Canyon, The Eiffle Tower, any sunrise and any sunset. Some are masterpieces others end up in photo albums or more likely Facebook or Instagram or Pintrest……All are reflections of a moments inspiration. 

Other times inspiration can come in a flash of color from the corner of your eye and stop you in your tracks. I suppose like the little reddish orange dinghy.  This somehow makes it seem more intimate more personal. It drives you to create quite possibly because it is asking you a very simple question. 

What did YOU see?

Including cover shot here are a few of my own versions of the Little Red Dinghy. this one is Blurry Color.I was inspired by my tile.